July 09, 2005-Tell Me
I spoke with uncertainty.
Deciding whether I should consider ...
You've taunt me and complimented me
For this I became confused.
With the very little words you spoke,
I tried to formulate an answer.
Though each answer is just as deadly and the last.
So tell me. What should I do?
To make you and keep others happy ...
Because for now, I am on bended knees
Begging for your mercy.
Tell me, tell me what I should do.
I am lost and confused,
Helpless as a wounded bird.
I do not know anything anymore.
So tell me ...
I beg of you.
June 28, 2005
Surrounding myself with gifts
-just to help me from missing you.
My logic is clear and simple.
You gave me these gifts.
Therefore, you are a part of these gifts.
So I hold them tightly
And as I close my eyes.
I vision its you I hug and see;
It seemed so real.
Then "I snap back to reality"
And I continue to miss you.
June 27, 2005
Wait a moment.
Wait for me; I'm coming.
I'll soon be there!
Just a few more minutes; Its all I need.
5, 4, 3, 2, ......... 1. You're off.
That's all the time I have. Now you're gone.
Up in that big blue sky off to Cali
For an adventure with the guys.
Now I wish I could have stowed away
And gone with you and the guys to Cali.
That way I wouldn't miss you as much.
June 26, 2005 1:25 P.M.
Contentment
The moment you looked into my eyes
The moment you took my hand
The moment you held me in your arms
The moment you whispered into my ears
These three words "I love you" ...
The world fades away like a distant dream
And you are all I see, hear, and feel.
To me, this is I reality.
June 26, 2005
The World
As I peer into your eyes
I see the world and yet
It shows only you and me.
As you hold me in your arms
I feel warmth and protection
As if nothing can hurt me.
As you whisper in to my ears
Complimenting me and reasuring me
That you'll aways stay by my side
I knew I picked the right one
when I picked you to be mine.
You are everything to me
April 2, 2005 (10:55pm)
Its not just another feeling I get when I see a cute guy;
Its not just another wish I make just to keep my hopes up;
My feelings are true and wishes do come true
-no matter what you say.
March 31, 2005 (3:06pm)
Nothing is alright;
Nothing is going my way.
Nothing. That is all I have.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know who I belong to.
I don't know anything anymore.
Will I ever be okay?
Will I ever find out who I truly am?
Will I ever belong to any group?
Will I ever have someone like you?
These are my thoughts
-since you left me ...
-since we stopped talking ...
-since everything happened ...
March 31, 2005
I lay in my bed thinking of you
-questions rolling in my mind uncontrollably.
-images of you in my head displayed perfectly clear
I sit still in my chair either in school, at home or some other place.
-still thinking of you.
March 30, 2005 (6:48pm)
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you say those three amazing words. I shiver at the very thought. My knees weaken and my heart beats faster and faster until reality catches up. No one could form words to explain how I feel. You’re everything to me. And all I can give you is my love and that I’ll never stop loving you, no matter what. I love you and I will always love you, forever and forever and forever.
March 30, 2005 (6:14pm)
I miss you ...
I miss your strong arms
-arms that holds me tight.
-and keep me secure.
I miss your eyes
-eyes that see right through me.
I miss your lips
-feeling those lips touch mine.
I miss seeing you
-your corky charm
-and your presences is to die for.
I miss the time we would spend
-time alone in solitude.
-time with family, especially yours.
-and time with everyone else.
I miss the calls you make
-the calls that brings us together.
-and the calls that we make when we can't see each other.
I miss your voice
-its so deep and enticing
-your comical comments
-and the way you say "I love you" warms my heart.
I miss everything about you ...
My heart aches and my eyes tear.
I just want you back.
March 30, 2005 (5:32pm)
I still love you ...
I can't help but think of only you.
I can't stop ...
I cry each time you appear before me.
I try to stop myself ...
I try to think of other things,
But I can't stop loving you.
You're my first romance.
March 30, 2005 (12:35am)
At exactly nine o’clock my phone would ring and I would jump for joy knowing that you’re calling me. One day, like any other day you called me, but this call was different from all the rest. We talked and talked like we usually do, but it seemed different as if everything was about to change. I had a few suspicions, but I withdrew it from my mind. I could not bare the thought of ever losing you, yet the time came and you told me those painful words. Shocked and speechless, in silence I cried. You wanted me to speak yet I could not. I feared that if I spoke time would continue and I would have to let you go. But time continues on no matter what and we said our good-byes with awkwardness. As you retired to your bed, I cried myself to sleep. The next day my thoughts could not dismiss you, my chest was heavy, and my heart was aching. That was the end of our relationship and the start of our friendship. Are we even friends? Anyway, I still can not think of you as if you are my friend, but as hard as it my be I will try. In the end, I will always love you.
March 30, 2005 (12:13am)
You once told me that you love me.
I told you that I love you too and I still do.
You betrayed me when you asked to be released.
I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry no more.
Hours turn to days and days turned to months
-Till we talked once again.
You came up to me and asked if we could talk;
-awkwardness couldn’t help but come along.
We talked as we usually did but with caution.
My heart ached to tell you its story but I couldn’t.
Instead, I listened and waited for you to ask me back;
You never did, and I’m still crying and waiting.
March 29, 2005 (11:45pm)
Falling in love again and again and again.
-All to the same person.
My heart, my soul, all of me stolen by him.
He consumes all my thoughts and dreams.
He is my first kiss, my first romance.
I love him, still do.
March 29, 2005 (11:31pm)
Closing my eyes denying what I see before me.
I envision an image pertaining to my amusement.
From my thoughts, I withdraw back to my senses
And took another gander on what life has in store for me.
What I see is not what I wished for but a lamentable hoax.
March 29, 2005 (10:53pm)
In need of crying due to the pain in my heart;
So I close my eyes and made a wish.
What I hoped for was a suitor, a prince charming;
I found him -once- and I regret ever letting him go.
Now I am masquerading as a merry-andrew;
A ridiculous clown full of sunshine, a jester.
Opening my eyes to reality with my heart still straining,
-Reviewing my options of death, masquerades, or maybe socialize with my acquiesce.
I chose yet again to be part of a masquerade ball.
-And the cycle begins once again.
February 13, 2005
Blindlessly walking into darkness
Covering my heart to stop it from bleeding
And recklessly falling into the abyss.
-Slowly I disapper.
January 12, 2005, 12:50:56 AM
I can't sleep, eat, drink or think about anything else, but you.
It seems that everything I see reminds me of you.
I can't get you out of my head. I still love you.
As hard as it may seem, I've tried to let go.
But I can't. The more I think of you; The more I cry.
And when I try to think less of you; The more pain my heart feels.
I've tried to forget you, but I could never allow myself to do that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I truly want you to be happy even if its not with me.
But I want you to know, I will keep loving you even if the love is unrequited.
January 07, 2005
I want to become stronger,
I want to be better.
I want to be just like you.
Ashamed of what and who I am,
I want to become the best ... just for you.
You see, You've shown me a better side of me
and It makes me want to become better.
The best there can be.
I'll show you an even better side,
one that will give you intrest.
January 07, 2005
While everyone teased and taunted me,
You gave me a smile and kept my spirits up.
You made those vile words disappear.
You are my strength and my will.
You've given me everything I've asked for and even more.
Though the miles have kept us apart;
It feels as though you're right by my side cheering me on.
You've given me a world that is filled with memories to come.
January 04, 2005
Its been a while since I've had a friend like you.
Someone I could depend on no matter the situation.
The one what would do almost anything just for my happiness.
It's an honor knowing you. I just hope I could return the favor.
January 04, 2005
I did my work and I've paid my dues.
I even did extra.
So why do I get all this?
Friends using me for who knows what.
Family members abusing me.
-Physically and Mentally.
I learned their rules and I follow each of them.
Yet I get blamed for everything and more.
I even became their pet, servant, the abused helper.
I gave and I gave, but still none of them ever noticed me.
I can't handle it anymore. I'd give anything to get rid of all this
and be happy for once. I dont' want to run anymore.
So I shall end this with one last drink just like romeo and juliet,
except there is no romeo to cry or even live for. Just one more drink.
Just one more ...
January 04, 2005, 10:12:07 PM
Have you ever felt out of place?
A room full of people
and yet I feel so alone and distant.
At times I catch myself escaping to my world.
Brought back to reality by the screams of my peers;
I drown myself with work trying to escape back to my world.
And when I can't go there,
I'd fool the world with my mask.
And under my mask are the cuts and brusies
I try to hide to keep the day go by when things go wrong.
December 29, 2004, 4:11:02 PM
Was it my fault? Did I make you feel that way?
Do you still want me as much as I still want you?
--I gave you my heart, body and soul. Then you broke it.
And gave it back.
December 29, 2004, 4:11:02 PM
Will You be there when I wake up in the morning?
Will You be mine if I was yours?
Will You protect me as I would protect you or even more?
Or will you run away from me and leave me all alone;
Maybe you're pretending I never existed.
Are you going to keep me crying for something I will never have,
no matter how hard I try?
Are you going to forget about me and contiune living your life ...
... as if nothing happened?
December 26, 2004, 8:30:11 PM
As I look out my window, my thoughts take me to another realm.
Sitting still, I continue reflecting on my thoughts as everyone in the world pass me by
as if I was a mere memory of the past.
Seconds, Minutes, Days, Weeks, Months, Years ...
Time has escaped me.
And I'm still at my window staring out into the void.
Waiting ... Thinking ... Silently reminiscing ...
